A Rediscovered Christmas
by Lionchilde
Summary: Very silly. A Christmas fic set in the Rediscovered Hearts universe. Hijinx abound when Vala's Santa Trap actually works. Takes place about 10 years after Beachhead if Vala hadn't gone to the Ori Galaxy. DV, SJ established.
1. The Santa Trap

Daniel and Nick spent a good ten minutes with their backs pressed against the side of the house before the older man made a dash for the back door. Laden with packages, Daniel could barely follow his grandfather's progress. He stood holding his breath, half certain that Vala would out-smart them again. Last year, she'd hidden in the bushes by the driveway and popped out while they were unloading the car. The year before she'd leaned so far out of the bedroom window trying to get a peak that she'd slipped and nearly fallen out.

"It's clear!" Nick called in an over-loud whisper, gesturing for Daniel to follow him. "They're in the living room."

He nodded, racing through the slick yard and up the back steps. He didn't dare stop to even wipe his feet before hurrying across the kitchen. Even with Nick to run interference, he wasn't sure that he was going to make it up the hall to his office until the door had clicked safely shut behind him. Vala would know they were home, though, and it wouldn't take her long to figure out where he'd gone. He hurriedly stowed the gifts behind ceremonial shield that had been waiting to be hung on the east wall for a month, then slid out into the hall again, locking the door behind him.

As casually as he could, he made his way back out to the living room, where his jaw dropped at the sight of his wife. Vala was perched on Mitchell's shoulders, humming under her breath as she arranged a string of Christmas lights. Cam's hands braced her knees, and his eyes were squeezed shut with the effort of holding her steady.

Daniel shot a questioning glance at Nick, who was watching the scene in silent amazement, and received only a shrug in response.

"Uh…honey, _what_ are you doing?" he asked finally.

"Hanging lights, darling, what does it look like?" she replied with a gleeful grin. Her hand drifted downward and she wiggled her fingers expectantly. "Cam, I need a tack."

"Vala, you're gonna hurt yourself," Daniel began. "Mitchell, put her down!"

"_She's_ gonna get hurt?!" Cam exclaimed as he fished another tack out of his pocket and set it in her palm.

"I don't weigh _that_ much," Vala grumbled down at him, then busied herself with the lights again.

"You know, Vala, this is very reminiscent of the way we met," Daniel remarked with a sudden smirk. "Except I was in Mitchell's position and you were trying to beat the daylights out of me."

"As I recall, I _did_ beat the daylights out of you," Vala replied, casually resting her arm across Cam's head as she turned to regard her husband with a raised eyebrow.

"That's not how I remember it," Daniel frowned.

"Of course not, darling, you just like to remember our first kiss and block out all the violent bits," Vala nodded.

"But the kiss was violent! You head-butted me right afterwards!"  
Daniel exclaimed, eyes widening.

"If memory serves, you quite liked it." Vala said with smug certainty.

"I liked having the crap beaten outta me? Are you insane? " Daniel shot back.

"No, I meant you liked the kiss," Vala shook her head. "You really got into it. But then you called me a fruitcake, so of course I had to get in the last word. "

"Yeah, well in the end, I _did_ get in the last word. I zatted you," Daniel reminded her with another smirk.

"Oh, yes, I'd forgotten about that. That wasn't very nice, you know!" Vala said sharply.

Daniel opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, Cam cleared his throat.

"Um, hey guys, I hate to interrupt this lively little walk down memory lane, but could we please move it along? She's getting heavy! OOF! Vala, watch the foot!"

"Oh, sorry, Cam, it slipped," Vala replied with a little shrug.

"Uh-huh. Riiiiight," Cam rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, why didn't you just use the ladder?" Daniel asked with a sudden frown.

"YOU HAVE A LADDER?" Cam roared.

"We have a ladder?" Vala's eyes widened.

"Oy," Daniel gave his forehead a smack in exasperation. "I'll go get it," he said, turning back toward the hall.

"I don't know what he gets so upset about," Vala remarked as he went, her tone quite obviously meant to be overheard. "Everything that happened aboard the Prometheus was nothing but foreplay, and he knows it."

"Getting the crap beaten out of me is a form of foreplay?" Daniel spun around again.

"Guys…?" Cam attempted.

"Of course it is, darling. Don't pretend you didn't know," Vala tilted her head coyly.

"Hey, I thought we wanted to get these lights up before the kids got back from Sam's," Cam reminded the pair hopefully.

"Oh wait," Daniel frowned, ignoring him. "Maybe that's why all the women who chase me are always trying to kill me--or poison me--or get me addicted to a sarcophagus... "

He trailed off, barely managing to conceal a grin at the murderous look that Vala shot him when he mentioned being pursued by other women. "Really, Daniel, you--" she began, but broke off with a shriek as Cam suddenly bent to dump her on the ground.

Daniel darted forward to catch her, and her arms wound tightly around his neck, but neither missed a beat in the argument. Cam listened to their continued bickering for a moment, then stalked off toward the kitchen.

"Hey, where are you going?" Vala wanted to know.

"If all you two are gonna do is fight, then I'm going to get a sandwich. Holler when you're ready to get back to hangin' the lights. Or better yet, use the ladder next time…"

------

"That's the one Mommy wants, Auntie Sam!" Nicky exclaimed, pointing eagerly at the most expensive crystal vase in the jeweler's display window. He ran over, gesturing wildly for Sam and Manda to follow.

"Nicky, we don't have enough for that," Manda sighed.

The five year old pouted up at his sister in so perfect an imitation of Daniel that Sam had to hide a laugh behind her hand. This would be Nicky's first time participating in the annual gift buying frenzy, and his enthusiasm was entirely too comical to resist, even for the weary adults in the party.

"But, it's what she wants!" he insisted.

"Maybe Santa will bring it, Nick," Sam suggested.

"Yeah, Santa Dad," Manda rolled her eyes.

"What do you mean?" asked Sam with honest disbelief. She'd been told, of course, about the boy in Manda's second grade class who claimed that Santa didn't exist, but this was the first thing she'd heard to indicate that Daniel and Vala's daughter had started to subscribe to that theory.

"C'mon, Auntie Sam, if Mom gets that vase from anyone but Dad she'll rub it in his face until _next_ Christmas," Manda replied.

Sam's eyebrows rose. "I didn't know Vala wanted a vase at all," she said.

"They were fighting a couple of weeks ago," explained Nicky. "Dad brought her roses but she was mad he didn't bring them in a vase. So, then he brought her _more_ and she was _still_ mad."

"The vase wasn't expensive enough," nodded Manda. "So, they brought us down here a few days later to get the Christmas card pictures taken, and we passed this one, and Mom goes, 'Now _that's_ the kind of vase a man gives his wife!' Then they started fighting about the vase."

Sam raised her eyes to the ceiling and shook her head. "Come on," she laughed, resting a hand on each of their shoulders. "I have to go in here anyway and pick up General Hammond's watch."

The kids were happy enough to stare at the jewelry in the display cases for the first few minutes, but the line was long. They started to fidget as Sam reached the half-way point, and an argument broke out just as she reached the counter. As near as she could tell, it concerned whether or not the Santa they were going to visit here was, in fact, the real one. The debate degenerated rather quickly into name-calling and poking, though, so she couldn't be sure.

By the time she had the watch, she had no idea what they were arguing about anymore, but halted the fight with a sharp threat to cut the trip short without seeing Santa. They continued silently glaring at one another, but trotted out of the store after her. Whatever they were bickering over was entirely forgotten once they reached the mall's North Pole display, where her son Carter was already in line and Jack stood leaning tiredly on a giant candy cane.

"Hi, Mom!" Carter called, looking up from his Gameboy as Nicky and Manda ran up to him.

Sam shifted the bags she was carrying and freed a hand to wave, then trudged over to drop them beside Jack. His arm automatically slid around her waist, and she lowered her forehead to his shoulder. "Did you get it?" she whispered.

"No, it was sold out," he sighed in response.

"Already?" Sam's eyes widened. She straightened and pressed a hand to the back of her neck. "What are we gonna do? That game is the only thing he put on his list."

"Christmas is still a couple weeks away," Jack said, though a shake of his head said he wasn't sure they'd find it either. "If I gotta, I'll camp out at the toy store. Bring T with me to fight off the old ladies and housewives."

"Well, hopefully, it won't come to that," Sam laughed.

"Did you get the watch?" Jack asked.

"Mmm-hmm. The engraving is perfect, too," she nodded.

"Great. Now all we gotta do is sneak it into Hammond's house on Christmas Eve," Jack said.

"Why don't we just give it to him at the Christmas party?" Sam suggested.

"Where's the fun in that?"

------

The wad of cookie dough was out of her hand before Vala even saw Daniel step into the kitchen doorway. Manda let out a giggling shriek and ducked, allowing the goop to smack her father squarely in the face. Both kids' eyes darted toward Vala, and their mother gulped fearfully as Daniel reached to wipe the gunk off his face.

"Uh oh…" Nicky whispered, dropping the half empty bag of flour he'd been wielding and scurrying down off the table to stand beside Vala.

"H-hi, Daddy…?" Manda squeaked as she leaped off the counter.

Daniel said nothing for a long moment, then licked his lips and nodded to himself. "Tasty," he said, continuing on his way to the refrigerator. The kids watched him stand there for a while, then turned questioning eyes back on Vala, who's mouth was hanging open in amazement.

She shrugged, mouthing a silent, "I don't know," and then bit her lip as Daniel turned back to them with a bottle of coke dangling lightly between his fingers. He still said nothing, crossed back to her, and then smiled as he reached with his free hand to brush the flour from her cheek.

There were still a few lingering bits of dough on his lips, and she grinned as she leaned forward to kiss them away. "You missed a spot, darling."

------

Daniel stuffed the half-wrapped vase back into the shopping bag as soon as he heard the doorknob rattle, but the bag itself toppled forward, landing behind his desk with a crash. Vala's eyes widened at the noise, but he casually kicked the bag further under the desk and smiled up at her.

"Hi."

"Working hard?" she smiled as she slid past the door with a mug in each hand.

"Mm," he said, feigning disinterest. He turned to the book he'd left open in front of him, and she sauntered across the room to slide onto the edge of the desk.

"Brought you some Christmas cheer," she winked, offering him a mug of eggnog.

"Thanks," Daniel said, frowning in a show of concentration over the book. Vala set the mug down and leaned forward to peer under the desk, and he jerked upright. Planting an elbow on the desk, he shifted to the side and rested his chin on his fist, effectively blocking her view.

"The kids are asleep," she remarked just as nonchalantly.

"So soon?" Daniel asked, eyes widening slightly.

"I think seeing Santa wore them out today," Vala nodded.

"Wouldn't have had anything to do with the food fight their mother initiated after dinner, would it?" Daniel's eyebrows rose.

"Me? Hey, that was all their idea," Vala insisted.

"Of course it was," Daniel gave his head a fond shake.

"So. _Miracle on 34th Street_ is coming on," she grinned.

"Vala, we've seen that a hundred times," Daniel reminded her with a sigh.

"So?" she challenged. "Come on, darling, it's snowing out, both the kids are sound asleep. It's the perfect night to cuddle under the covers and watch Christmas movies."

"I don't…like Christmas movies…" Daniel said lamely. The truth was he would much rather have been upstairs watching the movie with Vala, but her gifts had to be wrapped and driven to Cam and Teal'c's for safekeeping. She knew that, of course, but neither of them would let on.

"You know you want to," she said mischievously.

"No…no, I don't," Daniel lied, waving a hand at the book in front of him. "I need to finish these translations."

"Daniel," Vala said, her tone becoming suddenly dangerous as she leaned closer. She stopped within an inch of his lips, and he could feel the warmth of her breath as she continued, "If you don't come watch this movie with me tonight, I just won't give you your Christmas present."

"You…what?" Daniel's eyes widened.

"You heard me," Vala smirked, leaving a light, teasing kiss on his lips.

A pleasant shiver passed through him, and he wet his lips, leaning forward for more, but she pointedly turned her head to the side. Slipping off the desk, she started for the door, throwing over her shoulder, "The movie starts in ten minutes, darling."

"All right, all right," he rolled his eyes. "I'll be up in a minute."

She'd reached the door by then and paused, giving him a long look. "You promise?"

"Yes, Vala. I promise," Daniel smirked.

He waited until the door had clicked shut and her footsteps faded up the hall, then dove under the desk to retrieve the shopping bag. Inside, he found a long, cracked line running down one side of the vase, and the neck shattered completely off. He closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath, running a hand over his face.

"Now what am I gonna give her?" he muttered.

He sat with his head in his hands for several minutes, then looked up with a start as he remembered the necklace. It was an Egyptian ceremonial piece that had been part of Catherine Langford's collection, and Vala had had her eye on it for years. The first time she'd seen it had been during the kor'mac affair, and she'd told him impishly that it would look wonderful with her pretty Goa'uld bracelet. He'd had it in his office then, but moved it as soon as he could in order to avoid a permanent disappearance. Since then, the hiding place had shifted several times, thanks to his wife's propensity for sniffing out valuables, but it was currently residing his desk drawer.

Daniel let out a gusty sigh. The heavy, jewel encrusted artifact was worth a small fortune, and it _wasn't_ as if she could wear it publicly. Although, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that she would probably wear it around the house, just to remind him that she owned it. That, of course, would be if it didn't end up traded on some interplanetary black market. Hopefully, though, the fact that he'd given it to her for Christmas would prevent that. Vala got surprisingly sentimental about things like that, and her enjoyment of this particular Tau'ri holiday was almost as fun to watch as their children's.

Smiling to himself, he got up and pulled the desk chair into the center of the room, then stepped up onto it to remove the key to his desk which was hidden behind the loose panel in the ceiling. He cast a nervous look at the door as he walked back to the desk, certain that Vala would be back in soon to see what he was doing. When he still didn't hear her footsteps approaching, he unlocked the drawer and carefully set the relic on the desk.

"Daniel?" Vala called from the hallway.

His mouth popped open and he sprinted across the room as the door opened. Carefully positioning himself in the doorway, he smiled and said, "I'm--just finishing up, I think I'm really on to something here."

"Come on, darling, the movie's starting," she pleaded, taking his hand.

"I'll be up in a minute…don't--don't look at me like that, Vala, I will," he promised, attempting to slip back and pull the door shut with him. Vala deftly slid in with him, though, and produced a red Christmas bow from behind her back.

"You know," she smiled, coiling her other arm over his shoulder to cup his neck in her hand. "If you really don't want to watch the movie, you could always unwrap me."

"Wha…?" Daniel gaped as she planted the bow on her head.

Vala's smile became distinctly predatory, and she pushed him back, guiding him unerringly toward the desk. "You could start with the bow. Then just work your way down."

"Sounds like fun," he admitted, smiling a little.

"Does it?" she asked as the backs of his legs touched the desk. She gave his chest a playful shove, and he sat back, pulling her with him.

Their lips were about to meet when a loud and unmistakable crunch told him exactly what he'd just sat on. He winced painfully, and Vala pulled back in surprise, then tried to peer around him. "What was that?" she asked.

"Uh…what was what?" Daniel asked.

"Something just _crunched,_" she replied.

"Oh…um…" Daniel shrugged, pulling her down into a kiss.

"Mmmm," Vala's arms slipped around his neck again, and he pushed himself to his feet, now backing _her_ toward the door. She resisted briefly, still not having forgotten the noise, then decided to concentrate on him instead…

------

They never did watch _Miracle on 34th Street_ that night, but it snowed again on December 23rd, and Vala insisted that Daniel rent the movie and watch it with her. Before they could do that, though, Vala had to test her Santa trap, which required that Daniel willingly stand under a net at the kitchen table and pick up a cookie, knowing that as soon as he did so, the reduction in weight on the plate would cause the net to drop on top of him. She insisted to the kids that this year the trap would work, and Daniel wasn't sure whether they were more excited by the prospect of waking up on Christmas Morning to find Santa Claus in their kitchen or by the sheer humor of watching the net drop onto their father. It was almost eleven by the time they were able to induce Nicky and Manda to sleep afterward, and Nick had to resort to threats of stockings filled with coal to do it. Then, they had to re-rig the net, which took another thirty minutes, so it was with a grateful sigh that Daniel finally dropped into bed.

Vala put in the DVD, then scurried under the covers with him. She shifted and fussed for a few minutes, then settled with her head on his shoulder as the previews ended. Daniel endured her antics with a long-suffering sigh and hid a smile against her hair. The approach of Christmas still brought moments of loneliness for him, but Vala somehow eased them without ever saying a word about his parents. He hadn't really been lying when he'd told her that he didn't like Christmas movies. The sentimentality of them had a way of exacerbating the private doubts and sense of loss that hit him at this time of year. With her arms and the warmth of the covers wrapped around him, though, he had to admit that there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

"I think the trap is just perfect this year," she murmured happily.

"Vala, why do you put so much work into that thing?" he asked. "There's no such thing as Santa Claus."

"Well, I know that and you know that, darling," she smiled, raising her head again to look at him. "But Manda and Nicky don't. And I hope they won't…not for a long time."

"Me too," Daniel smiled, kissing her forehead. She settled her head on his shoulder again and turned her attention to the movie, but it wasn't ten minutes later that a tremendous thud reverberated through the ceiling.

"What was _that?_" Vala cried, jumping back.

Daniel looked up, then turned to face her. "It…sounded like it was coming from…"

"…the roof?" she gulped.

------

As he reached the top of the ladder, Daniel's jaw dropped. Vala, already on the roof, reached back to grab his arm to keep him from toppling backward. They stared at each other in the glow of the blinking North Pole they'd erected a few weeks earlier, and Daniel slowly made his way onto the slick surface.

"Ah, Daniel, be careful there!" laughed an unmistakably jolly voice. The red-suited figure leapt down from the sleigh and clomped over to them, absently patting each of his reindeer as he passed.

"Um…S-Santa?" Daniel stammered.

"Of course it's Santa, darling! Who else would it be?" Vala grinned, having recovered from her shock. She peered over their guest's shoulder, and her gaze settled on the equally recognizable red-nosed reindeer leading his team. "Oh, and look! Is that…?"

Santa nodded, giving a hearty ho-ho-ho in response to the half spoken question. Rudolph himself stretched out his neck, edging slightly closer. Vala looked nervously toward Santa, who waved her toward the deer. She grinned again and half-walked, half slid across the roof until she reached the sleigh.

"Oh, he's so _adorable!_" she squealed, throwing her arms around the deer's soft neck.

"Ho, ho, ho!" laughed Santa again, then turned to Daniel, who was still hugging himself by the ladder in an effort to keep warm.

"Aren't--aren't you a day early?" Daniel asked dubiously.

"This is just a little practice run," explained Santa. "We make several runs throughout November and December. Helps keep the deer in shape. We've got a lot of ground to cover on Christmas Eve."

"Right…" Daniel eyed him skeptically.

Santa sighed in disappointment. "You still don't believe in me, do you?"

Feeling his face redden, Daniel lowered his gaze. "No…I do…" he said uncomfortably. "It's just that--I--um--"

"It's all right, Daniel," Santa nodded sadly. "Right now, I need you to go down and call Sam."

"Sam?" Daniel looked up in surprise.

"Sam O'Neill?" Santa prompted.

"I know, I meant…why?" asked Daniel, wrinkling his brow.

"I'm having a little problem with the sleigh's guidance system. I tried to make it over to the O'Neills', but I didn't think we were going to get there. I can't take chances this close to Christmas Eve."

"_Guidance system?_" Daniel echoed.

"Yes," Santa nodded. "We've been fully automated for about thirty years now. Of course, I still hitch up the team. It just wouldn't be Christmas without them."

"Oh. Of course not," Daniel nodded, giving his head a puzzled scratch. "Lemme--lemme go call Sam."

"_Who_ is on your roof?" Sam asked again.

"Santa…?" Daniel repeated.

"Santa _Claus?_" Sam persisted.

"No, Santa Jones," Jack spoke up beside her.

Sam leaned over to give him an absent swat, then swung her legs onto the cold floor of the bedroom. "And he wants what, Daniel?"

"The, uh, guidance system on his sleigh is malfunctioning," Daniel replied miserably. "He says he needs you to come help him fix it."

"Daniel, where's Vala right now?" Sam asked worriedly.

"She's on the roof," Daniel sighed.

"What's she doing up there?" Sam's eyes widened.

"Well, when I left, she was hugging Rudolph," Daniel replied.

"She was _what_?" exclaimed Sam.

"Look, Sam, why don't you and Jack just come over here? You--you can see for yourselves," Daniel pleaded.

"All right, Daniel, we'll be over as soon as we can get Teal'c and Cam over here to watch Carter," Sam agreed. "Just stay _off_ the roof until we get there, okay?"

"Oh, don't worry," he promised as he hung up. "I won't do anything…crazy…"

"You really think something's on his roof?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know," Sam replied honestly. "But whatever's going on over there, it sounds like Vala and the kids are going to need some help."

------

Once Sam had gotten over her initial shock at the sight of Santa Claus, fixing the sleigh required more light than the decorative Christmas bulbs could provide. Fortunately, with the approach of the holiday, most stores were open 24 hours, so Daniel and Jack were elected to drive to Lowes to pick up high powered flashlights and batteries. The wind and snow had also begun to chill Vala, who was dressed in a housecoat and slippers. Santa gallantly shucked off his coat and wrapped it around her, eliciting another squeal of delight in response.

"Aren't you a gentleman," she smiled, leaning forward to kiss him for his trouble. "Oh! Sam, his beard tickles!"

Sam stood with eyes bulging, opened and closed her mouth twice, and then finally gave up. Santa turned to her with a knowing smile. "Something wrong, Samantha?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head quickly, then glanced down at the ground.

"I do have a spare coat in the sleigh if you'd like," offered Santa.

"Oh--no--that's okay," Sam coughed uncomfortably.

"No?" Santa asked in surprise. "How about my hat?"

Before Sam could protest, Santa had plucked the cap off his head and set it on her, pulling it snuggly down around her ears to keep them warm. She felt herself grinning stupidly and tried to stop, but Santa gave a wink and turned back toward the sleigh.

"Do you have any idea how long it'll take to get her up and running?" he asked.

"Not without knowing what's wrong, sorry," Sam shook her head. "Does your on board computer have a diagnostic function?"

"Mmm," nodded Santa. "I can call up a diagnostic report now, if you like."

"That'll be a start, yeah," Sam replied with a nod of her own. She followed Santa back to the sleigh and peered at the monitor for a few minutes, but Vala began to get antsy with nothing to do.

Santa sighed, turning to look at Sam with a knowing expression, and then called, "Well, there's not much we can really do here until the boys get back with those lights. Why don't we go inside and find some cookies?"

"Ooh, good idea," Vala grinned, her eyes drifting hopefully toward the chimney. "Could we…?"

"Ho, ho, ho!" bellowed Santa happily. "Why not?"

"Um," frowned Sam, following him and Vala over to the chimney. "How exactly do you…well…"

"Fit?" Santa laughed, pulling a small velvet pouch from his belt. He held it up and said, "Christmas magic!"

"Magic," she repeated.

"You're as bad as Daniel," Santa sighed as he opened the pouch and sprinkled a small amount of dust on his palm. He looked up again and blew softly, causing the dust to billow out in a glowing swirl of gold and silver around the girls.

"Hey, what--?" Sam cried.

"Think small!" Santa laughed, then leapt into the air and disappeared down the chimney.

It was several minutes before Vala could coax Sam to take the leap, despite the fact that Sam traveled across the galaxy through a wormhole almost every day. Even after she did, Sam got stuck, and Vala had to tug on her foot to pull her out into the fireplace.

"Someone needs to lay off the Christmas cookies," she remarked as they dusted one another off.

"Very funny," Sam replied, adjusting Santa's cap on her head again.

Vala, however, turned suddenly pale and exclaimed, "Cookies!"

"What?" frowned Sam.

"The cookies!" Vala repeated, peering frantically around. "Where's Santa?"

"I dunno, in the kitchen, I guess. Why?" asked Sam.

"Santa!" Vala called, pushing past Sam to race into the kitchen. "Don't touch the…"

"Ho, ho--whoa!"

_Crash!_

"…cookies," finished Vala with a wince.


	2. Looks Like Coal To Me

The verdict was clear and absolute. With two broken bones in his right leg, there would be no delivering presents for Santa. The effort of hauling sacks of gifts and climbing in and out of chimneys would put far too much strain on his leg. Not to mention that the injury itself would considerably slow down his pace.

The emergency room staff, of course, had no idea who Santa was. The official story was that he was Daniel's uncle, visiting from Alaska for the holidays. He gave his name as Nicholas, and when pressed for a surname, supplied after a moment's hesitation, "Saint."

Little was said after the doctor sternly admonished "Mr. Saint" that whatever important outing he'd planned for Christmas Eve would have to be put aside. Santa bowed his head in acknowledgement and silently listened as the doctor instructed him to keep his leg elevated as much as possible until his return to Alaska. Daniel silently glared at Vala, who in turn stared at the ground.

"Well, Vala," Jack smirked, having heard by then about the Santa trap. "Looks like coal to me." 


	3. SG Claus

Waking up to find Santa in their kitchen lost its appeal once Nicky and Manda understood the ramifications for the rest of the world. Nicky, who was always the one ready to defend Vala, only gave her a long glare, sighed, and busied himself with a game on the back of his Froot Loops box. Manda, however wasn't so willing to let their mother of the hook.

_"Mom,"_ the seven year old declared in disgust. "You ruined Christmas!"

"Now wait a minute," Vala began to protest. She paused, looking hopefully toward Daniel, and then to each of the other members of SG-1, all seated around the Jacksons' kitchen table. One by one, they shrugged or glanced away, and finally she let out a sigh. It had been her idea to suspend a net from the ceiling and tell the children she intended to catch Santa Claus. At the time, she'd had no idea that there even _was_ a Santa, but she couldn't very well say that to the three glowering elementary school kids who now regarded her as something akin to the Grinch.

In the end, it was Daniel's grandfather, Nick, who came to Vala's defense. He folded his arms on the table and pursed his lips, fixing an unusually stern expression first on Manda and then on Carter O'Neill, who was sitting between her and her brother. Then he plucked the Fruit Loops box away from Nicky, silently letting him know that he was being included in the censure.

The boy opened his mouth, but quickly snapped it shut again at the sight of his great-grandfather's disapproving frown. Nick Ballard had been a constant presence in the children's lives--perhaps in an effort to make up for his pointed _lack_ of one in Daniel's. He rarely got upset with them, but somehow Nick's disappointment in them always carried more weight than anyone else's.

"Now, it seems to me that all of you thought the Santa trap was a good idea until this morning," Nick said.

The kids exchanged uneasy glances, both Nicky and Carter both capitulated. Carter gave a reluctant sigh, realizing that he had no argument. Nicky's face, more than anything, became relieved. At five years old, he didn't like having to be mad at Vala for any longer than necessary.

"Sorry, Mom," he offered.

"Sorry, Auntie Vala," muttered Carter with a nod of agreement.

Manda, the oldest, managed to hold out a little longer. She gave the boys a look that clearly called them traitors and glared at Vala again. Nick's eyebrows rose, though, and she finally caved. "Sorry, Mommy," she sighed.

"It's all right, children," Santa spoke up, "because your parents and the rest of SG-1 are going to deliver the presents tonight."

"They are?" the kids' eyes collectively widened.

"We are?" the team jerked forward in their chairs to stare at Santa.

"Of course," Santa nodded. "You wouldn't want to let down countless children all over the world, now would you?"

"Can't have that…" Jack chimed in with a smirk.

"Oh, now when I said SG-1, Jack, I did mean to include you," Santa smiled.

"What?" Jack's mouth popped open. "Hey, I'm retired!"

"C'mon, Dad!" Carter protested. "If everyone else is going, you have to go!"

"Who said anyone else was going?" Jack replied.

"I think Santa just did," Daniel said, clearing his throat slightly.

"Well, I can't. I gotta go--" Jack broke off, eyes widening as Sam gave his shin a hard kick under the table. Realizing he couldn't say that he was supposed to spend the night searching for Carter's coveted video game, he quickly ad libbed, "To bed early."

The kids all looked askance at him, and Sam covered her face with her hand, giving her head a shake in disbelief. Santa hid a smile behind his hand and stroked his beard. The famous merry twinkle in his eye became decidedly mischievous, and he sat back in his chair with a knowing smile in Jack's direction.

"You know," he remarked, "Since it _is_ Christmas Eve, I don't see any reason why these three shouldn't have at least one present from me early."

The casual statement was met with cheers and hopping from the younger members of the O'Neill and Jackson families and an excited squeal from Vala, to which Santa replied with a happy ho-ho-ho. Breakfast was entirely forgotten, and the kids rushed into the living room where Santa had left his sack of goodies.

Vala found it slightly disturbing that her children were as excited over a collection of fantasy novels as Carter was about the video games that Santa brought for him. Nicky's gift included both a boxed set of the Narnia novels and movie _The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe._ Manda got the entire Harry Potter series and movie _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets._ Both kids' eyes widened as they held the shiny DVDs, but the movies were quickly disregarded in favor of the books, leaving Vala mystified and Daniel with a quietly satisfied smirk on his face.

That smirk faded a moment later, though, when Carter, happily clutching the sold out game that the entire team had scoured the city for, looked up at Jack and said, "See, Dad? I _told_ you Santa could find it! Santa can do _anything he wants!"_

As the kids all scrambled to hug and thank Santa, Vala turned a questioning frown on her husband. Daniel gave his head a quick, dismissive shake, but it was obvious to her that the smile he forced back to his lips was feigned. She had no time to wonder about it, though, because Santa turned and asked, "Well, Jack? You still going to let a little lack of sleep hinder you from leading your team one last time? This could be the most important mission of SG-1's career."

"Well, I…" Jack started, then paused. "Lead?"

"That means he gets to wear the Santa suit, don't it?" Cam sighed ruefully.

Teal'c's eyes narrowed. "It is I who should be Santa," he rumbled.

"What?" cried Jack. "Why should you be Santa?"

"Uh oh…" Nicky whispered, glancing at Carter.

"This could be trouble," the older boy nodded.

"Teal'c, you'd have to drink milk!" Sam spoke up, hoping the Jaffa's distaste for "bovine lactose" would settle the argument.

"See, there's that. You hate milk, Teal'c. So I'm Santa," Jack insisted.

"Y'know, there's nothing to say it _has_ to be milk with the cookies," Daniel piped up. "Teal'c could have juice."

"Juice on Christmas Eve!" Vala cried. "That would be just _sacrilege!"_

"Well, I have no objection to drinking milk, and I _already am_ the leader of SG-1, so I should be Santa!" Cam pointed out.

"No," Santa shook his head. "Cam, now yes, you _are_ the CO. And I know that Jack had no real issue with accepting retirement after he and Vala's little escapade to rescue the rest of you. But I also know that he _has_ missed leading the team."

Jack frowned slightly, glancing at the floor as Santa's eyes turned back to him. He looked up again and shrugged. "Maybe a little."

"So consider this my Christmas present to you, General O'Neill," Santa nodded.

Teal'c inclined his head in silent agreement, and Cam gave a sigh.

"Okay," he nodded. "But I _ain't_ bein' Rudolph!"

"Nah, we'll save that for Daniel," agreed Jack.

Daniel's eyes widened. He spluttered indignantly for a few moments and then declared, "There is no way that _I_ am pulling _your_ sleigh."

"Don't worry, darling," Vala grinned. "You can be an elf! 

"What?" he gaped.

"You'd look adorable in the pointy shoes," she asserted. "And the tights. Mmm."

Daniel shook his head, giving her a hard glare before turning a smirk on Jack. "I know. Teal'c can be Rudolph. He can pull your bulk."

"Are you saying fat?" Jack demanded.

"Well, ever since you--retired--" Daniel coughed pointedly. "You have put on a few pounds. Must be all those sweets you keep sneaking behind Sam's back."

"What?" Sam turned, giving her husband a light smack in the arm. Then she paused. "Wait. Does this make me Mrs. Claus?"

The kids, watching the entire scene in disbelief, finally let out a collective sigh. Nicky and Carter turned toward Manda, who gave her head a slow shake. "_These_ are the people who save the world for a living?" she asked.

"I was wondering about that myself," Santa said. The argument abruptly halted, and the team all turned to glare him _and_ the kids. Santa responded with a ho-ho-ho and announced, "As a matter of fact, I do have costumes for the rest of you…."

-------

"C'mon, people!" called Jack, now attired in Santa's extra suit as he stood at the bottom of Daniel and Vala's staircase. "You can't stall any longer We've got presents to deliver!"

In response, a door slammed upstairs, and a few moments later, the rest of the team appeared on the landing. There was a moment of shocked silence, then all three kids burst into hysterics as first Daniel, then Sam and Vala, then Cameron, and lastly Teal'c, all trooped down the stairs dressed in the unmistakable pointy shoes, hats, and tights of Santa's elves.

The others all kept their eyes firmly glued to their shoes, but Vala skipped along happily after Daniel. "See, I told you that you'd make a cute elf!"

"I should not have so readily agreed to allow you to be Santa, O'Neill," Teal'c muttered as he walked past Jack into the living room.

Santa himself, who was sitting with his broken leg propped on the coffee table, picked up the remote control and snapped off the TV. "Perfect!" he declared. "Just perfect! Oh--but you do lack one thing."

"Which is?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Christmas magic!" Santa replied, untying the red velvet pouch from his own belt and tossing it to Jack. "Just a pinch, now. Too much and you'll shrinking off and on for a week."

"Cam we come with you guys?" Manda asked hopefully.

"No," Daniel shook his head. "You guys stay here and watch _Frosty the Snowman _ with Santa. We'll be back before you wake up tomorrow."

"Awwwww…" all three protested loudly.

"Ah!" Jack held up a finger for silence, ending their protests. Then he nodded. "Much better. And don't forget, Carter, I want you in bed by nine."

"Okay," the boy sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Manda, Nicky, that goes for you too," Daniel added.

"Can I stay up and read in my room? Manda asked.

"On Christmas?" Daniel's eyebrows arched.

"No, Manda, you need to go to sleep or Uncle Jack can't come and leave you any presents," Vala grinned.

Manda started to snicker, then looked at Jack again and thought better of it. "Okay, Mom," she agreed as Vala and Sam moved to kiss each of the kids on the cheek before leaving.

Once goodbyes were said, Jack sprinkled a bit of Santa's magic dust on his palm and blew, creating a swirling silver and gold cloud around SG-1. When it cleared, he led the way to the fireplace and then glanced nervously back toward Santa. "Uh…?"

"Think small," Sam advised with an impish look toward Vala.

"Huh?" Jack frowned.

"Just concentrate, Jack," explained Santa with a grin. "Imagine yourself small enough to fit up the chimney. The Christmas magic does the rest."

"It's easy!" Vala nodded.

The male members of SG-1 eyed one another uncomfortably, but one by one they closed their eyes. As each one was whisked up the chimney to the roof, the kids let out a successively louder cry of amazement. Finally, Teal'c was the only one left. He paused briefly, turning back to offer Santa a bow, and then closed his eyes.

A moment later, he found himself on the roof, and dutifully followed Jack to the sleigh. After several long minutes of pushing and shoving, everyone had climbed aboard. Jack stood staring down at the computer control panel and scratched his head.

"Okay, Carter--Sam--you drive," he said finally.

She smirked at his habitual use of her maiden name, which he fell back into as easily as he reassumed command of SG-1, and edged her way past Vala to stand beside him. "Santa said that the sleigh itself is fully automated now. His list is pre-programmed into the guidance system's computer, and the sleigh will automatically stop at each house, giving us a read-out on _this_ screen so we know which sack to take down with us."

"I still don't get how this is supposed to work," Cam spoke up. " I mean, even if the bags _are_ magic so they hold way more stuff than it looks or feels like, how's one old guy and a bunch of reindeer supposed to cover the whole world in one night?"

"Initiating launch sequence," Sam said, her hands moving quickly over the controls. Then she explained, "Not every child in the world celebrates Christmas. Even among those that do, not all of them have Christmas traditions that include Santa Claus. There's also the shift in time zones to consider. Theoretically, it's possible--as long as we stick to Santa's timetable and don't get sidetracked."

"If you say so," Cam replied skeptically.

The sleigh's engines fired and it rose a few inches off the ground, but the deer didn't move. Sam frowned. "Maybe we have to…" she gestured toward the reigns.

Jack sighed knowingly and picked them up, giving them a light slap. Still the deer didn't budge. "Heigh-ho Silver?" Jack attempted.

"No," Daniel spoke up. "It's…on Dasher, on Dancer…"

Two of the deer perked up at the sound of their names, and the rest seemed to tense in expectation, but Daniel paused, pulling thoughtfully on his lower lip. "Um…"

Teal'c silently sidled past Cam and took the reigns, then said, "It is, _on Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen. On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen…"_

As he spoke, each of the deer raised it's head and shook itself, then pawed the roof in excitement. The rest of SG-1 all stared in amazement at the Jaffa.

"Hey, you know how it goes?" Jack exclaimed.

Teal'c made no response, blithely continuing, _"To the top of the roof, to the top of the wall…"_

"WHOA!" cried Cam and Jack in stunned unison.

_"…now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"_

"Whoa, deer! Whoa!" 


	4. The Gift Of Giving

"What are we doing in here, Santa?" asked Nicky as he followed their houseguest into Daniel's office. It was a room that the kids knew, while not off limits, was not the safest place to play. Daniel's relics could be fun, but were usually easy to break. A broken plate in the kitchen meant a sigh and an admonishment from Vala to be more careful. A broken plate in here might mean a week of confinement to one's room, and at the very least made their father scowl and stomp through the house muttering to himself.

Santa, with a crutch under each arm, grinned reassuringly and gestured for the kids to follow him inside. He clomped his way to Daniel's desk and lowered himself into the chair with a wince. Carter and Nicky hurried over to help him lift his broken leg, but once they had it elevated, the two boys realized that there was nothing nearby to prop it on.

"Manda!" Carter called urgently. "Grab the trash can or something!"

The elder Jackson sibling was still standing in the doorway, her fists on her hips. She tilted her head slightly, but didn't move. "Dad is going to have a _fit_ when he hears you guys were in here messing around."

"Shut up, Manda, Santa said!" Nicky retorted. "Get the trash can before his leg slips. You wanna be the one to tell why we had to take Santa back to the hospital tonight?"

Manda sighed in disgust, but dutifully walked over to pick up the waste basket that Daniel kept by the door. She paused as she picked it up, though, and peered curiously inside. "Um, Santa, there's a bunch of broken junk in here."

"Ah, good! That's just what we're looking for," Santa nodded. "Bring it all here, Manda. Take out the pieces and spread them on the desk here for me."

"Uh…okay…" she said dubiously.

The desk, of course, was already cluttered with books and artifacts. With a wave of his hand, Santa sent the debris into motion, and in a few moments, everything was neatly stacked. Wide eyed, Manda emptied the contents of the waste basket onto the empty surface, and then frowned as she recognized pieces of the vase that Vala had wanted for Christmas and a necklace that Daniel had often told her belonged to his friend, Catherine Langford.

Once the basket was empty, she helped the boys prop Santa's cast on it, then took his crutches for him and leaned them on the wall. Turning back to the desk again, she raised an eyebrow at the sight of Santa carefully sorting the bits of necklace and separating them from the broken shards of the vase.

"What are you gonna do with all that?" Nicky wanted to know.

"A little Christmas magic," replied Santa. He snapped his fingers, and the broken pieces came alive, rising off the desk to quiver and shake, as if waiting for direction. Santa waved his hand, and each bit began move, jostling for position as the valuable objects reassembled themselves.

"Wow!" Carter exclaimed.

"You can say that again!" Nicky nodded emphatically.

"Okay," added Manda. "I take back what I said about Dad having a fit."

"Ho, ho, ho!" replied Santa happily. "Well, we're not through yet!"

"What else do we have to do?" Nicky frowned.

"These are your mother's Christmas presents," Santa explained. "Now we need to take them out to the living room and wrap them up so they'll be waiting under the tree tomorrow morning."

"Oh, so I guess it's a bit of present for Dad too, then, huh?" Manda grinned.

"You could say that," Santa winked.

He slowly got to his feet again, gesturing for Carter and Nicky to take the presents while he hopped over to get his crutches. Then he led the way back out to the hall, but Manda paused in the doorway. She looked back toward the desk, frowned, and shook her head.

"Something wrong, Manda?" Santa asked.

"He'll never be able to find anything now," she sighed.

"Oh. You know, you might be right," Santa agreed with a nod. He turned to look back at the desk himself, and as he did, the neatly stacked artifacts and reference material all clattered back into their original disarray.


	5. Christmas Magic

Once they'd gotten the reindeer under control, things went relatively well. Except for a few slips on frozen rooftops and having to spend an hour in someone's backyard trying to find loose marbles when Cam dropped an open sack and a game spilled, the first few hours of present delivery went off without a hitch. Then the sleigh landed at General Landry's. 

Jack tripped on the cord attached to a string of Christmas lights and went sprawling face first onto the living room floor. The noise woke the general, who came charging downstairs in ducky pajamas, shotgun in hand. He gaped wide-eyed at Jack and the members of SG-1 for several moments, then slowly lowered the gun.

"Let me guess," he smirked. "Santa needed backup and you people got called in."

"Not exactly, sir," Cam replied.

"Wait," interrupted Jack. "You mean this whole Santa thing doesn't _surprise_ you?"

"Nah," Landry shook his head, walking over to lean on the back of the couch. "I met Santa when I was eight. Never forgot."

Vala saw Daniel tense and frowned, but he quickly turned his attention to the present sack that Jack had left on the floor beside the tree. She knelt to help him, her hand discreetly moving to brush the back of his fingers. He smiled in response, but before she could press him, Cam remarked,

"That's…really interesting, sir."

"Yeah, and if we had time to stick around and chat, I might even ask how you _met_ the old guy, Hank. Right now we've still got a lot of ground to cover," Jack reminded him. Then he turned toward Daniel and Vala, adding, "You all set there, Daniel?"

"Yep," Daniel sprang to his feet again.

"Okay, let's go," Jack nodded, leading the group back toward the chimney. "Merry Christmas, Hank."

------

"Do we really have to stop here?" Jack asked when the sleigh landed on former Vice President Kinsey's roof. The deer shook themselves and snorted in protest at the question, and he let out an exaggerated sigh.

"It _is_ Christmas," Sam reminded him with a knowing smile. She peered at the list displayed on Santa's monitor and her eyes widened. "Uh…guys…?"

"What's wrong?" Vala asked, pausing in her perusal of the gift sacks.

"This list says Kinsey's getting coal," Sam replied.

"See? I knew it," Jack smirked.

------

An argument broke out at Walter's over the brownies. It was a well known fact at the SGC that Harriman's wife routinely baked brownies on Christmas Eve and left them for Santa. The day after Christmas, the leftovers found their way into the briefing rooms on base. This year Cam wanted to filch one early, but Jack insisted that, while one missing brownie could be attributed to a member of the family, more than that would arouse suspicions.

"Well, why do you get it then?" Cam demanded.

"Because I'm _Santa?_" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"So? You've had the cookies at the last three houses! It's my turn!" insisted Cam.

"You can have 'em at the next house! I want the brownie!" Jack exclaimed, reaching to slap the coveted confection out of Cam's hand.

"The next house is that clone that Loki made of you! What kinda cookies you think he'd leave out for Santa?" Cam snorted. "He don't even have kids!"

"Ho-Hos," Jack replied. "Same thing I used to put out when I was single."

"What?" Cam cried.

"Look, will you two keep it down?" interrupted Daniel. "You're gonna wake up--"

_"General O'Neill?"_ came a stunned voice from the kitchen doorway.

"Walter," Daniel finished with a sigh.

"Dr. Jackson? _Colonel_ O'Neill?" Harriman continued, his eyes darting first toward Daniel, then Sam, and then slowly taking in the rest of SG-1. "How did you get in my house? _Why_ are you in my house? And why are you dressed like elves?"

"Hey, do I look like an elf to you?" Jack asked as the team eyed one another uneasily.

"No…" Walter said slowly.

"Good," said Jack. "And we're here because you're dreaming. Go back to bed."

"Yessir," Walter nodded, turning to make his way back to the bedroom.

------

"So, why _did_ you leave sweets out for Santa when you were single?" Sam whispered. They had finished leaving presents under "Mini-Jack's" tree, and succeeded in doing so without waking up the clone. Now they were making their way carefully into the kitchen.

Jack shrugged. "Thought it was funny, I guess."

"Did you not think it strange that the Ho-Hos were always missing on Christmas morning?" inquired Teal'c.

"Figured one of the dogs ate 'em," Jack replied, his hand groping along the kitchen wall for a light switch. Before he found it, a low and unmistakably hostile growl sounded from further inside the room.

"Um…Jack…what kind of dogs did you have back then…?" Daniel asked worriedly.

"Rottweilers…" Jack replied, his hand dropping away from the wall. "Run."

"What is wrong?" asked Teal'c.

"Run!"

-------

After they narrowly escaped Mini-Jack's dogs with their lives, they landed at Cassie's and brought down the wrong bag of presents. By the time they went back to the roof, found the right one, and went down to put the stuff under the tree again, Sam calculated that they had thrown off Santa's timetable by more than three hours already. At General Hammond's, the problem wasn't forgetting _Santa's_ gifts. When all his grandchildren's presents were safely under the tree, Sam realized that she had forgotten the watch that the team had engraved for the general.

Sighing, Jack reluctantly said that there wasn't time to go all the way back to the house for it and that they would have to present it to Hammond on New Year's Eve instead. This brought them to the Silers' house, where, miraculously, nothing seemed to have been forgotten and none of the family pets chased Santa's helpers away. The problem came as they were leaving, when Jack lost his footing on the slippery roof and barely managed to hang on by the tips of his fingers.

Teal'c was busy watering the reindeer while Cameron and Vala tried to re-pack the remaining bags of toys in the back of the sleigh. Sam and Daniel were the first ones to reach Jack, whose booted feet were dangling directly in front of Siler's bedroom window. Even through Santa's gloves, Jack's fingers had rapidly become numb, and he craned his neck to bark at his rescuers.

"C'mon, pull me up, I'm gonna slip!"

"Oh, I really wish you'd eaten a few less cookies," Sam groaned as she and Daniel hefted her husband back onto the roof.

His foot smacked the window pane, and although the glass didn't shatter, Daniel's eyes slid closed in exasperation. A few moments later, they heard the window being shoved upwards, and Siler's voice demanded, "Hey, who's out there?"

Back on his feet by then, Jack raised a hand in silent signal, and his teammates froze. After a few tense heartbeats, the window slid down again, but as it did they heard Siler explain, "No, I thought I saw Santa's boots…maybe he fell off the roof…I don't know, must've been dreaming…"

------

Once they'd left the Silers' they managed to make up some time. There were several houses where nothing actually went wrong, and under Jack's repeated commands for them to hustle, the team learned to unpack and leave presents faster than they thought possible. Unfortunately, though, they only fell further behind at Carolyn's. Unlike Mini-Jack, the CMO had forgotten to leave her apartment door unlocked.

"Why the heck would she lock her door on Christmas Eve?" Cam asked, running a frustrated hand over his face.

"Probably because she doesn't believe in Santa," Daniel replied dryly.

"I doubt the clone believes in Santa," Cam pointed out.

"Yes, but he's Jack," Daniel replied.

"Right," Cam rolled his eyes. He let the sack he was carrying slide from his fingers and leaned against the wall opposite Carolyn's door. "So now what do we do?"

"I…have no idea…" Daniel admitted.

"I do," chirped Vala brightly. She reached into the front pocket of her elf costume and produced Daniel's wallet, which she opened before beginning to casually peruse the credit cards.

"What are you doing?" Daniel demanded. "And why do you have my wallet?"

"I thought I should bring it in case of an emergency, darling," Vala replied as she selected a card and sauntered over to the door. "And it's a good thing I did!"

It only took her a moment or two to pick the lock. The door swung open, and the team stood gaping, not that she could do something like this, but that she would. Finally, Jack gestured them inside and Cam picked up his bag again. Swinging it over his shoulder, he followed the others inside, pausing briefly to catch Vala's arm.

"_So_ getting coal for that," he smirked.

------

Santa had warned them about the silent alarm at the White House. The problem was that they were rushing so much by then that no one stopped to think about it. So, when the White House security and Secret Service agents came bursting in with guns drawn, there was no time to make a dash back to the chimney. SG-1 found themselves thrown against the nearest wall and patted down, and when asked to identify themselves, Jack bellowed,

"I'm General Jack O'Neill!" then paused before adding, "…in a Santa suit…"

The situation only deteriorated as Daniel repeatedly urged the Secret Service to "call his house", where he insisted that Santa Claus was watching Christmas shows with his children. He didn't actually expect them to do it, though, so he was surprised when, about an hour after the first round of interrogation ended, the Secret Service returned and escorted him and the rest of the team to the roof.

"Told you to check up here," Jack smirked when their captors went wide-eyed at the sight of the sleigh.

No one answered, though, since their attention was diverted by the chopper that was landing nearby. When the propellers came to a halt, it opened to reveal Generals Hammond _and_ Landry, who were followed out by Carter O'Neill, and then Manda and Nicky Jackson. Lastly came Santa, hobbling out on his crutches with the aid of the helicopter pilot.

"What are you _doing_ here?" Daniel asked the kids.

"I thought we told you to stay at the house," added Jack.

"You told us to stay with Santa, Dad," Carter replied.

"I couldn't exactly leave them at the house alone," Santa piped up, clearing his throat apologetically. "And I _was_ needed here to clear up this little misunderstanding."

"They could've stayed with my grandfather," Daniel pointed out. "_He's_ still at the house."

"No he's not…" called the voice of Nick Ballard from inside the chopper. Adorned in a Santa cap, Nick's head poked out of the chopper and he edged his way down to meet the rest of the group.

Daniel buried his head in his hands and sighed. "Okay…so now what?"

"Now," said Santa, "We need to get the rest of these gifts delivered before morning."

"Yeah, that could be a problem," remarked Cam.

"Indeed," agreed Teal'c with a glance at the now gray sky.

"There is a way," Santa assured them. "We'll just have to make a little trip back to my workshop…"

------

"Sorta reminds me of Superman's house," Cam remarked as Santa led the wide-eyed group through the giant double doors and into the gathering hall at the front of his workshop. Groups of real elves were seated at long tables, and rushed over, along with a gray-haired woman they assumed was Mrs. Claus.

"What?" Vala asked, turning incredulously toward Cameron while the elves offered mugs of hot cider and Mrs. Claus began to help Santa and Jack with their coats. She had discovered The Man of Steel some time while she and Daniel were newlyweds and become as well versed in Superman lore as Teal'c was in anything related to Star Wars.

"I think he means the Fortress of Solitude, Mom," Manda spoke up.

"He doesn't live there, you idiot," Vala rolled her eyes at him.

The name-calling earned her a look of censure from Santa, and she bit her lip. She murmured an uncomfortable apology before following the rest of the party down the hall. Cam gave a nod of acknowledgment and then turned his attention to the kids, whose eyes seemed to grow bigger with each step they took down the arched corridor. Their amazement grew when General Landry began pointing at various doors and explaining what types of toys were made behind them, or what part of the wrapping and packing process was accomplished there.

"Ho, ho, ho, you have a good memory, Hank!" exclaimed Santa happily.

"Well," said the general, "getting lost in the woods, found by Santa Claus and helping him make his Christmas Eve rounds because he'd already been to my house and couldn't double back until the rest of the presents were delivered is one of those experiences that sorta sticks in my mind."

"Wow, General, does Carolyn know about all that?" Carter asked.

"Well, she did when she was little," sighed Landry. "She's probably forgotten all about it by now."

"Why?" frowned Nicky.

"Most grown ups just stop believing in Santa," Landry explained. "Once they do, anything like this kinda just fades away. Like it never happened at all."

"Is that gonna happen to us?" Nicky asked.

"Not if you don't want it to," Santa promised with a smile.

"What about you, General Hammond?" Manda asked, frowning thoughtfully. "Did you meet Santa when you were a kid too?"

"No," Hammond smiled. "I'm a grandpa. I got to meet Santa when my granddaughter Tessa celebrated her first Christmas."

Daniel's eyebrows rose at this, and he turned a questioning glance on his grandfather. Nick shrugged and looked away uncomfortably. Catching the exchange, Santa smiled sadly.

"Most grandparents do get to meet me again. A few here and there are too busy with more important things," he said. Then he looked back at Hammond and smiled. "Which reminds me. Jack, look in your pocket."

"Huh?" Jack frowned.

"Your pocket," Santa repeated.

Jack's eyebrow rose, but he reached inside the pocket of his suit, eyes widening as he pulled out the watch that the team had meant to give General Hammond tonight. He cleared his throat and stepped forward with a half-smile. "Merry Christmas, George. From Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, and I."

Hammond smiled too as he took the watch and turned it over to read the inscription on the back. It was a single word, but the general's smile widened at the sight of it.

_Leader_

"Thank you, SG-1," he said.

"Ho, ho, ho!" exclaimed Santa with a wave of his arm. "Now--let's get those presents delivered!"

He led them through several corridors and finally stopped at a large arched door which Landry said he had no memory of. Santa grinned in response and began to enter a security code in the digital lock on the wall beside it. It slid open, revealing a huge open interior with a mounted lever in the center of the floor. The walls were covered with smaller levers and switches, blinking red and green lights, and view screens depicting scenes from all over the world.

"This is our emergency system," Santa explained. "It slows down the passage of time in the event of a delay so that I--or in this case, SG-1--can finish delivering the presents."

"How exactly does it work?" Sam frowned. "I mean, why aren't _we_ affected by the time dilation?"

"Christmas magic, Samantha," replied Santa easily.

"But there's no such thing as…" Sam began, breaking off at the pointed eyebrow Santa gave her. "Right."

"Good then," nodded Santa. "Now, I'm going to need all of you to help me turn this thing on…"

------

For the rest of the world, only a few minutes passed. SG-1, Santa, and their motley crew of helpers experienced almost a full day before the last of the gifts were dropped off at an orphanage in Afghanistan. The kids had long since fallen asleep in the back of the sleigh, but woke immediately when Santa suggested returning to the North Pole for a party to celebrate the success of the mission.

"I'd…really rather not," Daniel said, igniting a storm of protests from the kids, Vala, and Cameron. Knowing that there was no way to extricate himself without giving a reason that would, more than anything, confuse his children, he sighed quietly and let himself be dragged along.

He did his best to be social, but the merry making left a hollow sensation in the pit of his stomach, and finally he withdrew. The workshop seemed to exist inside a temperate bubble. Only a few yards away, the frigid polar winds would have made it impossible, but Daniel found himself outside, leaning against a giant candy cane in only a sweater and a pair of khakis. A single star was still brightly visible in the eastern sky, and his gaze kept drifting toward it despite his efforts to find something else to look at.

"I wouldn't lean on that," Manda said as she slid out the double doors to join him.

"Huh?" Daniel asked. "Why not?"

"It's real, Daddy," she smiled indulgently. "Can't you smell the peppermint?"

After an experimental sniff, his eyes widened, and he shoved himself hurriedly off the sticky surface. Manda peered behind him and giggled, letting him know that he now had candy-cane stripes all down the back of his clothes.

"Great," he sighed.

A speculative frown creased her forehead, and she asked, "Dad, are you okay?"

"Fine," he said with an automatic smile.

"You still don't believe in him, do you?" she asked.

Daniel's mouth opened and closed in surprise at the turn of the conversation, but finally he shrugged. "'Course I believe in him. He's right in there."

"That's not the same thing," Manda sighed. "As soon as we leave here, you'll forget, won't you? Like Carolyn forgot her dad told her the story about getting lost in the woods."

He started to shake his head, but paused and finally let out a sigh of his own. "I don't know, Monkey," he admitted.

She gave him a long, disappointed look, then finally turned and trudged back inside. Daniel started after her, realized he had no idea what he was going to say, and paused again, catching sight of Mrs. Claus as the door closed behind his daughter.

"I'm sorry," she smiled apologetically. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

Daniel shook his head, crossing the remaining distance between them. "Daniel," he said, offering his hand.

"Jessica," she replied, giving it a firm squeeze. "But you can call me Mrs. Claus if you like."

"I like Jessica," he said, and she nodded, smiling a bit shyly. They fell silent for a moment, and Daniel's eyes drifted toward the door. "I don't think she's ever looked at me that way," he said.

"It's difficult for a child," she nodded. "Suddenly realizing that a wonderful experience like meeting Santa Claus is something she may not be able to share with a parent. Especially the parent who's given her so much of his own love of discovery."

"So, you think I will forget?" Daniel frowned.

"Do you want to?" Mrs. Claus asked.

"I…it's complicated," he sighed.

She nodded in understanding and reached into the pocket of her apron, drawing out a yellowed piece of notebook paper. She carefully unfolded it, smiled a little, and looked up at him. "Santa has a room where we keep all the letters that, for one reason or another, don't get answered. Most of them are because the toys the children want are popular and we run out. We fill the request as soon as possible and drop them off, then the letter gets moved. But a few of them just have to stay there. It's part of my job to keep track of them, write apology letters. You got one, remember?"

"I thought that was my foster mother," Daniel replied.

She shook her head, smiling a little as she began to read,

_"Dear Santa,_

_There's only one thing I want for Christmas this year, and that's the chance to say goodbye to my mom and dad. No one really thinks you can do that, but I know you can do anything you want. They don't have to stay or anything. Maybe just visit for a couple of hours._

_Danny Jackson."_

"You don't have to--" Daniel started, then broke off and shook his head, blinking against the sudden burn of tears.

"There are some things even Santa can't do," she said softly.

"I know that," Daniel nodded quickly. "I just--I was a kid."

"Yes," she pressed her lips together, letting a brief silence fall between them before she folded the letter and slid it back into her apron. "Daniel, you could believe in the face of academic ridicule that the pyramids of Egypt were landing sites for alien visitors to Earth. Yet you can't believe in something as simple as Santa Claus."

His eyes widened, "It's not simple! It's--it's--it's ridiculous! He's an amalgamation of figures from so many different cultures, there's no way it could be true. There's no logical reason for--for reindeer flying, or a big fat man going down chimneys, or--" he broke off, realizing much as Sam had earlier where he was standing and to whom he was saying these things. He raked his fingers through his hair in frustration and spun around, but he caught sight of the star again and heaved a sigh. "Sorry," he finished.

She didn't reply for a minute, took a few steps and stopped beside him. Her gaze followed his to the star and she said softly, "You're enough of an expert in culture to understand that one day, no one will believe in Santa. When that happens, everything you see here--the workshop, the elves, Santa and I, will just fade away. But Christmas won't."

Daniel's head turned toward her in surprise and she smiled back, reaching for his hand. "Come on," she encouraged. "Let's join the party."

He hesitated briefly, but his lips turned up in a tentative smile and finally he nodded. She led the way inside, where loud music and laughter assaulted them. A group of elves tried to drag them into a folk dance, but Daniel's eyes immediately sought out Vala--and found her.

Standing under a sprig of mistletoe in full view of their children and the rest of SG-1, his wife had her arms wrapped around Santa's neck and was kissing him full on the lips. Daniel stood shocked for a moment, then mumbled a hurried apology to the laughing Mrs. Claus, and barreled his way through the crowded room.

"Vala, _what_ are you doing?" he demanded.

"Kissing Santa, darling," she grinned back.

"I can see that!" he snapped. "WHY?"

"Daniel, are you jealous?" she laughed.

"Yes!" he barked, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her hard against him.

"We're not under the mistletoe," she teased as her arms slid around his neck. Heedless, Daniel brought his lips to hers, while Santa, with a bellowing ho-ho-ho, reached up to remove the mistletoe from the ceiling and hold it above the pair.

"Kinda gives new meaning to _I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus_, don't it?" Cam grinned as his gaze moved from Nicky and Manda's aghast expressions to their parents' oblivious liplock and back again.

"Indeed," agreed Teal'c dryly.

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_As a final note: this fic does have multiple sequels set later in Daniel and Vala's marriage._ They were written as sequels because I fully intended to stop this AU before now, but readers asked for more, and challenge prompts gave me the necessary inspiration.

_They will be posted in the upcoming future. I am not sure when. If you enjoyed Fire and Water, feel free to add me to your Author Alerts subscription. __**DON'T subscribe to a story alert for this fic; you won't get update notices because the story itself is complete.**_

_In chronological order, the stories in this universe are:_

_-Fire and Water (written early s9; What if Vala had been able to ring back after destroying the first Supergate?) _

_-Interlude _( a loosely interconnected collection of fics set in the same universe as Fire and Water. They were written after the series itself, so I don't include them as part of it. )

_-Rediscovered Hearts _(a 46 chapter epic set in the third year of Daniel and Vala's marriage, involves the birth of their first child and an exploration of Vala's past.)

_-In The Moment (_a loosely interconnected collection of fics similar to the Interlude set. They were written shortly after I wrote Rediscovered Hearts, but take place before _Beyond Breaking_.

_-The Promise of Thorns_ (an SGA fic set in the same verse. It's the SGA equivalent to Fire and Water, kicking off a crossover sequel called Beyond Breaking.)

_-A Rediscovered Christmas (_ a Christmas series set in the RH universe. Hijinx abound when Vala's Santa Trap actually works. Just silly, but I had lots of fun writing it.)

-_Beyond Breaking (_ the planned followup to RH and Promise. I and some of the RH readers on LJ readers were speculating about season 10 and what might happen if the Ori returned in the RH AU somewhat later than they did in canon. About six chapters have been written, but the end of SG-1 s10 and SGA s3 really blew the fic out of the water. It will be done eventually, just don't know when.)

-_Idyll Days (_the final collection of short interconnected fics in this AU, set after the resolution of the Ori conflict)


End file.
